When I mix—perhaps most often with English liquid drum and bass tracks—I notice that love is a recurring theme. What I value most is not the empty repetition of phrases, but the genuine attempt to highlight human relationships, expressed by someone who pours themselves into the meaning of the music. Of course, this is not limited towards human relationships alone. Liquid drum and bass, and even deep drum and bass, carries layers of meaning—sometimes spoken openly, sometimes hidden in the subconscious. It is true, a listener may not always perceive this until they come to understand the producer behind it. And this in itself stands in contrast to neurofunk, which, in its rave context, does not engage with these questions, being more utopian technical than alive.
Sidney SN is not always concerned with the literal meaning of the tracks he mixes. From the beginning, I have sought to weave stories into Sidney SN sets—stories that may mirror my own life, though at times they do not. At times, I even transform their essence into reflections on love. A lyric may capture a particular moment—such as the love for vocalism of someone expressed through their song. In such cases, the very idea of love becomes reshaped.
I often find myself contemplating what it truly means to love, to be in love. At times I feel that love is about desire—sometimes even the desire to possess. To me, love means to care or matter. And so, it need not be directed only toward another human being. One can love a plant, a place, an object, or even a fleeting moment. This is where I sense that the meanings of lyrics in Sidney SN’s mixes may shift—finding new resonance, new significance. In a way, nearly every mix by Sidney SN reminds me of my own past, of moments and situations I have lived through. And yes, there are some mixes I cannot bring myself to revisit for precisely that reason. But to be in love is probably something I don’t know. I don’t know what it involves, what the feelings are like when you’re in love — I guess I’ve never felt it. I only know what it means to like someone.
I said that I mixed mainly for myself—only the music I wanted to hear—and that the fact a track can capture a moment is also the reason why I first started mixing just for myself, before I ever uploaded anything.
The truth is that 99.99 percent of people’s desires—even those directed toward me—are in vain. Sometimes all it takes is asking for the truth: a truth that perhaps one does not wish to see, but which nevertheless exists. And yet, many prefer to cling to belief rather than confront their own cognitive dissonance. From my perspective, in 99.99 percent of cases, this is exactly what it comes down to. And at times, I am no different from that 99.99 percent. But because a situations, not because rejecting. What troubles me most is when I see these truths lost in the act of realization. Then I find myself asking: why realize something else, when in the past I should have reflected just as deeply on someone else? A desires or the love?
Once, one of the lecturers for the social service workers during sexuality in social services said that the desire for s*x is nothing more than an instinct. In a way, that sounds like something rooted in humans from their animal past—something that cannot always be controlled, because the brain carries within it an irrational drive that is not always possible to master. However, I also believe that animals have s*x exclusively for the purpose of reproduction. There are people who apply this idea to themselves as well. Yet, the counterargument might be that in the human world, s*x can simply be entertainment—something a person indulges in because of their place or status in society. But in the truth, I believe that s*xual desires are just or especially an instinct, because a human evolution. In the world, there could exist beings that know nothing of such desires, because their reproduction has been in vitro throughout their entire evolution, as is the case with, for example, bees. No one bee knows these desires. This in itself could call into question human desires that may never have existed in other highly intelligent beings. Although love there exist. Yes, here could be a space for speech of asexual humans. Perhaps even better, since desires—even asexual beings for a “love”, actually the desire to possess—can be problematic—and often are—whereas in a society without them, individuals would focus on entirely different things, and thus function better as a community. It is not uncommon for a community to fall apart for precisely that reason.
I also see contradictions between individuals: when people are utterly different from one another, and yet each carries within themselves something of another person, as if fragments of “my own” self are reflected in opposites. This is like the contrast between a nymphomaniacs and someone’s who is their absolute antithesis—but both have something from you. It’s a question of what takes precedence, what are desires or love, and what is possible to realize.
