Too many

 I’ve been asking myself what I actually did when I received so many positive vibes from my Czech fans. When I faced violence directed at me in a very well-known situation, I couldn’t understand why it happened. Maybe someone was trying to create doubt around me—but I don’t know how it’s possible for someone to spread falsehoods about the reasons behind what happened to me. Probably, everyone already knows the truth. I don’t believe I ever presented myself as some kind of influencer who would cause such strong reactions, let alone violence. What makes this especially sad for me is the fact that drum and bass, as a culture, stands for non-violence—as well as being anti-racist and pro-LGBTQ, for example. So when someone chooses physical violence as a way to respond to a drum and bass artist, I have to seriously question whether they even belong to this culture or understand its values. I don’t want to speak much more about this violence or the differences between the drum and bass scene in Central Europe and Western Europe. But I do want to say that I probably made the right decision when I told myself to stop chasing what I found through Sidney SN fans in Czechia. For example, I had never seen fans applaud a drum and bass artist’s name on stage before. I appreciated those moments—but I had to ask myself whether that kind of attention was really sustainable for me. I eventually decided it wasn’t, and I needed to step away. I apologize a bit for this decision, for this “Sidney SN behavior,” but I now see it as unsustainable for me to attend any Prague events. For example, when I went to see USK Prague Women during a European Women’s Basketball League match, I told myself: It might be better to move toward Western Europe than to stay surrounded by this reality. I’ve lost interest in Czech events. There was also a moment on a train from Munich to Prague when a boy from the UK said, “Czechs are like human flash!” Maybe it was offensive, but in the context of what’s happening in Czechia right now, especially with “red plans” and societal tensions, I think he was actually right in some way. Maybe I’ll go see another USK match (even though I’m a bit afraid that my presence could make others nervous again, which could affect the game), but for me, attending events in Prague has become something I find emotionally and mentally unsustainable.